Nine and a half weeks later, and I’m still trying to figure out some of the finer points of operating our infant. Like one of those combination TV-VCR-TIVO-IPOD-toaster remotes, pushing one or any combination of buttons can often lead to rather unfortunate results. Diaper changing remains the most hazardous undertaking, especially at 3 o’clock in the morning. For reasons of solidarity which I can no longer recall, I regularly change Lloyd’s diaper at night in the middle of a feeding to keep him awake long enough to get his fill. It’s not easy for Katrin to wake up, get Lloyd out of his bassinet and concentrate on nursing when her body is screaming for sleep-beautiful-sleep. And it’s no easier for me to slide from beneath my warm blanket into the cold air and sleep walk to the bathroom carrying a baby with loaded drawers. If it were only loaded drawers to be vigilant of, I might not scrunch up into my own fetal position when Katrin wakes me for my nightly duty. Getting to Lloyd’s diaper requires burrowing through no fewer than four layers of clothing: sleeping bag, liner, PJs and onesy. Each one of those items features a clever and intricate fastening system virtually impenetrable to clumsy fingers at the inept command of a sleep-addled mind. During the first week or two I always felt relief upon reaching pay dirt. All that was left for me to do was take off the old diaper, clean the mess, put on a new one, seal him back up and catch the next return flight to the cuddly-warm climate of Dreamland. But I’m not the only one cold air seems to affect. As I expose Lloyd’s heinie to the elements – and myself to Lloyd’s heinie – well…let’s just say my bath robe goes straight into the hamper. Lloyd also then needs a complete change of clothing and another cleaning. And now I can not sleep. Where drowsiness leaves me vulnerable to the lethal alignment of cold air and Lloyd’s skittish colon, the rude awakening I experience as a result of that leaves me too edgy to fall back asleep anytime soon. I’d count sheep, but every time one jumps over me, I expect the worst.